Ask Cynthia

Sage Advice for Modern Etiquette

Southern etiquette is ingrained in many of us from childhood, but being a Southern woman is about far more than knowing which fork to use at a dinner party. Here, we asked our resident Southern woman, Cynthia, to chime in and answer some questions about modern etiquette. Read on for expert advice on everything from elevating your personal style to handling tense situations.

Q: My husband and I are staying with my in-laws for a few weeks until our new house is ready. I want to feel relaxed and at home, but my mother-in-law has certain expectations for how we do things while we’re here that make that difficult. How can I peacefully get through the next few weeks?

A: Staying in someone else’s home for a prolonged period of time can sometimes be tricky to navigate, since every household has expectations that may be different than your own. If you begin to feel overwhelmed, start by stating how much you appreciate your mother-in-law’s hospitality. Gently explain that if it’s all right with her, you’d prefer to take a different approach to the situation and suggest a workaround. While things may not be exactly as you’d prefer, keep in mind that this is your mother-in-law’s home and you should respect her wishes as long as they don’t interfere with your responsibilities or livelihood. Remember, this situation is temporary, and you’ll be in your new house soon!

Q: I currently have a very basic sense of fashion and don’t put a lot of effort into my wardrobe. I would love some simple tips and tricks to elevate my daily work attire. Any advice?

A: When you’re at the office multiple days a week, it’s important to put effort into your wardrobe so you can show up feeling and performing your best. Consider investing in some neutral business casual pieces that can be layered and styled many different ways (think basic tops/blouses, tailored pants and skirts, blazers and outerwear, etc.). I find the key to leveling up your presentation is by incorporating accessories that coordinate with your outfit to tie it together and make even a basic look appear polished. This could be a purse, hat, belt, scarf, or even jewelry that makes your outfit pop. Don’t forget to keep it personal; your style should uniquely represent you and showcase your individuality! Now, you’re ready to show up to work with confidence and seize the day.

Q: I’ve been at my company for two years and have been working towards a promotion. My coworker just received the same promotion and has only been at the company for a short amount of time. I want to bring it up to my boss, but I’m worried that I will look ungrateful. What should I do?

A: It can be scary addressing these situations, but communication is essential for keeping things classy in the workplace. Let your boss know how appreciative you are of the opportunity you’ve been given and explain your concern. Having a professional discussion can provide more insight on the decision that was made, and perhaps there’s an explanation that has nothing to do with you or your work ethic. An open dialogue can often make all the difference!

Q: I have an elderly neighbor who lives alone and doesn’t leave the house very often. What are some ways I could reach out and lend a hand without offending her?

A: As I always say, kindness costs nothing, and if your neighbor doesn’t get out much, she will likely appreciate a kind gesture and a friendly face. If you haven’t already, introduce yourself and lend a listening ear if she’s interested in conversation. You could share a meal, or if yard maintenance is lacking, perhaps you could stop by and offer to plant some extra flowers you have on hand. Maybe she’d like to help you, or if she’s unable to participate, you could invite her to sit outside and chat while you do the planting. Some fresh air and easygoing conversation can go a long way! If she has more specific needs that are evident, don’t hesitate to offer assistance with those as well. You never know – you might end up with a new friend!

Q: I’m starting to plan my wedding and my friend made a remark about bringing her kids. How can I gracefully let my friend and other guests know that the wedding is child-free?

A: First of all, congratulations! This is an exciting milestone and there’s no reason to let this concern interfere with your big day. The key is to clearly convey your decision and reasoning while remaining kind. Ensure your friend knows this is not specific to her children, and that while you may adore them, this event is an adults-only affair. Explain your reasoning for this decision, and be sure to thank your friend for understanding and affirm that you’re happy she’ll be there for your special night. Additionally, be sure to include a note specifying your decision on the wedding invitations so other guests are aware of your wishes.