First, get caramelized onion butter going, as it will take a little longer to cook than everything else.
Blend all the ingredients together, except for the butter and vinegar.
Melt the butter in a pot over medium heat and pour your onion concoction on top.
Simmer for 20 minutes, stirring every 3-5 minutes. (Tip: Start your biscuits now.)
After 20 minutes, crank the heat to high and let the onions scorch and brown a little while moving the mixture back and forth for a couple of minutes.
Kill the heat and add vinegar to deglaze the bottom of the pot. You should be left with an umami bomb mixture that resembles apple butter.
For the biscuits, take your half stick of solid butter and melt it in a pan over medium heat until it starts to brown a little. Once you start to see the browning happen, kill the heat completely. Pour the butter on your baking sheet to cool. (The biscuits will go on top.)
Then, dust your surface with a small handful of Bisquick.
In a bowl, cut your butter into 2 cups of Bisquick until it’s incorporated. (Try not to handle it too much so the butter stays cold.)
Add the Sprite and sour cream and work them into the Bisquick gently until you start to have a unified dough. It’s okay if it’s a little wet.
Move the dough to the dusted surface and keep working it gently until it’s not tacky. Add a sprinkle of Bisquick as you go if needed.
Fold the dough no less than six times over itself, turning it 90° each time you fold. Press the dough down with your hands onto the surface until it’s around the thickness of your hand.
Dust your glass or biscuit cutter in Bisquick to press and cut the dough. (Don’t twist. Push down and pull up.) Depending on the size of your cutter you should get around 6-8 biscuits from one batch.
Place the biscuits on the brown butter on your baking sheet and refrigerate for 20 minutes.
Preheat your oven to 450°. Pop your biscuits from the fridge directly to the oven. (Tip: Start your beer cheese now.)
Check the biscuits for golden brown tops at 15 minutes. If they need a little longer, check them every 2 minutes until they are golden.
For the beer cheese, whisk the beer and cream cheese together in a pot over medium heat until the cream cheese has melted into the beer.
Add your shredded and sliced cheeses. Slowly fold the cheese in and be patient as it melts.
Once everything feels nice and smooth, kill the heat and add paprika and hot sauce and whisk. If you’ve played your cards right, the beer cheese should be the last thing to finish up.
Pour your beer cheese directly on your biscuits and spoon or drizzle your onion butter on top of the cheese. For bonus points, you can add some chives and bacon bits to the top before serving.
